When Everything Feels Too Much: Understanding Overwhelm Through a Neurodivergent Lens
You're staring at your to-do list until the words blur, frozen by the thought of where to begin.
The laundry needs folding, that work email requires a response, and somewhere in your kitchen, dishes are multiplying in the sink. Your brain feels like a browser with 47 tabs open, each one playing a different video at full volume.
For neurodivergent minds, overwhelm isn't just an occasional visitor during busy seasons. It's the uninvited houseguest who shows up regularly, sprawls across your mental couch, and somehow makes even simple decisions feel impossible.
Welcome to your Wednesday. Or your every day.
Why Your Brain Hits Capacity Differently
Here's what neurotypical advice doesn't tell you: your nervous system processes the world through a different filter. When you're neurodivergent, whether that's inherent (ADHD, autism, AuDHD, OCD, Down Syndrome), acquired forms like PTSD or Traumatic Brain Injury, or both, your brain absorbs sensory information, emotional data, and cognitive demands in ways that can quickly flood your system.
Think of it like having a smartphone with incredible processing power but a battery that drains faster when running certain apps.
Research shows that ADHD brains have differences in executive function networks, particularly in areas managing task prioritization and emotional regulation. For autistic individuals, the intense world theory suggests heightened sensory and emotional processing could lead to faster overwhelm. This means that what feels manageable to others might legitimately overload your system.
The fluorescent lights in your office aren't just annoying, they're draining processing power. That sudden change in plans doesn't just frustrate you, it requires a complete mental reorganization. The background conversation at the coffee shop isn't just distracting, it's competing for bandwidth you need for your actual conversation.
The Hidden Weight of Masking
You've probably gotten good at looking like you have it together. Nodding in meetings while internally scrambling to process information. Smiling through social events while calculating how soon you can leave. Acting "normal" while your internal experience feels anything but.
This performance, what researchers call masking or camouflaging, comes at a tremendous cognitive cost. You're not just doing the thing, you're also monitoring how you're doing the thing, adjusting your responses, suppressing stims, and trying to appear neurotypical. No wonder you crash when you get home.
Masking is like running two programs simultaneously: one that does the actual task and another that constantly monitors and adjusts your performance. By 3 PM, your brain's RAM is completely maxed out, and even deciding what to have for dinner feels overwhelming.
When Simple Tasks Become Mountains
Yesterday, you needed to make a phone call. Just one phone call. But first, you had to find the number. Then remember what you needed to ask. Then figure out the best time to call. Then prepare for possible questions they might ask. Then manage the anxiety about talking on the phone in the first place.
By the time you'd thought through all of this, two hours had passed, you'd reorganized your desk drawer instead, and the call remained unmade.
This isn't procrastination in the traditional sense. It's task paralysis, a common experience for neurodivergent individuals where the cognitive load of breaking down and initiating tasks becomes overwhelming. Your brain gets stuck in the planning phase, unable to bridge the gap between intention and action.
Meanwhile, everyone around you seems to just... do things. They decide to call someone and then they call. They see dishes and wash them. They don't understand why you're standing in the kitchen, frozen, because you can't figure out whether to eat lunch first or clean up breakfast dishes.
Here's How Therapy Helps You Work With Your Brain
Therapy with someone who understands neurodivergence isn't about fixing your brain or making you neurotypical. It's about understanding your unique wiring and building strategies that work with your natural patterns, not against them.
Identifying Your Actual Capacity
Your therapist helps you recognize the difference between what you think you "should" handle and what your nervous system can actually sustain. This isn't about lowering standards, it's about being realistic about your energy budget.
Developing Your Personal Overwhelm Radar
Together, you learn to recognize early warning signs before you hit full shutdown. Maybe it's that specific tension in your shoulders, or when reading becomes difficult, or when you start scrolling without actually seeing anything.
Building Scaffolding That Works
Instead of generic productivity advice, you create systems designed for your brain. Maybe that means visual reminders, body doubling strategies, or permission to do tasks "wrong" if it means they get done.
Processing the Grief and Frustration
There's often unacknowledged grief about how hard things feel compared to what you see others managing. Therapy gives you space to feel this without judgment, while also celebrating the unique strengths your neurodivergent brain brings.
The Thought Spirals That Make Everything Worse
Your overwhelmed brain loves to add commentary that makes everything harder:
"Everyone else manages this fine. What's wrong with me?" Nothing's wrong. Your brain processes differently. That's neurodiversity, not deficiency.
"I should be able to handle this by now." Should according to whom? You're learning to work with your brain, not against it.
"If I just tried harder..." You're probably already trying harder than most people around you. The issue isn't effort, it's strategy.
"I'm letting everyone down." You're managing an invisible challenge while meeting demands designed for neurotypical brains. That's actually remarkable.
Try This: The Overwhelm Circuit Breaker
When you feel that familiar freeze creeping in, try this:
Name It: Say out loud (yes, actually out loud): "My nervous system is overwhelmed right now." This simple acknowledgment can shift you from panic to recognition.
Shrink It: Pick the tiniest possible next step. Not "clean the kitchen" but "put one spoon in the dishwasher." Not "answer emails" but "open my inbox." Momentum builds from microscopic actions.
Sense It: Find one sensory anchor. The feeling of your feet on the floor. The temperature of the air on your skin. This grounds your nervous system when your thoughts are spiraling.
Time It: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Do anything for just those 5 minutes. When it goes off, you're done. Full permission to stop. Often, starting is the hardest part, but if not, you've still done 5 minutes more than nothing.
Working With Your Wiring, Not Against It
Your neurodivergent brain isn't a problem to solve. It's a different way of experiencing and processing the world. Yes, it means some things are harder. It also means you notice patterns others miss, feel things deeply, and bring unique perspectives that neurotypical brains might never access.
The exhaustion you feel isn't weakness. It's the natural result of navigating a world built for different wiring while translating everything into your own operating system. That takes enormous energy and skill.
Finding strategies that actually work means stopping the fight against your natural patterns and starting to build with them instead. This might mean:
Accepting that you need transition time between tasks, even "simple" ones
Creating environments that support your sensory needs without apology
Building in recovery time after social or cognitive intensive activities
Letting go of neurotypical productivity standards that were never designed for your brain
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
Our team includes therapists with expertise in supporting neurodivergent clients. Kameron Kirbyson specializes in ADHD, autism, and neurodivergence. Mary Crome works with ADHD and neurodivergence using mindfulness and attachment-based approaches. Rachel Kenworthy has experience with ADHD and uses IFS and somatic therapy approaches.
You deserve support that sees your overwhelm not as a personal failing but as a signal that you need different strategies. Your brain isn't wrong. The strategies you've been trying to use just weren't built for your operating system.
Ready to find what actually works for your beautiful, complex, neurodivergent mind?