A Mother's Guide to Self-Love: 5 Essential Practices for Your Parenting Journey
Written by Alex Duz MACP, Registered Psychotherapist
Mother’s Day is around the corner and with this holiday in mind, I’m reminded of just how much Mom’s are capable of. As a new mom myself, I know how challenging it can be to juggle so many components of life, our various roles, while still trying to feel like ourselves along the way. This act is no joke and some days it can feel incredibly overwhelming and isolating. As you navigate motherhood, whether you have grown children, teens, little ones, or just beginning your motherhood journey, the following self-directed acts of love can be helpful to keep in mind as you navigate the winding road of parenthood.
Self-Acceptance
The act of self-acceptance is acknowledging our experience/self as it is. Whether it is a changing body after childbirth, shifts in identity, changes in mood or perspective, or even becoming disillusioned regarding what you thought parenthood would be, accepting your experience just as it is is the first step towards finding greater peace. Though you may be wondering, “if I accept myself, does that mean I have to settle for something I’m unhappy with?” Not at all. Acceptance or allowing an experience to be what it objectively is (without judgment) is essential for seeing our situation honestly. Through acceptance, we acknowledge our thoughts, feelings, selves, just as we are, and we open ourselves up to understanding that we’re in this moment in time for a reason. Only from this place of clarity can we begin to understand our experience and contemplate changes from an intentional and thoughtful place.
Self-Compassion
The act of self-compassion can be so challenging for many of us parents. The pressure to be perfect, accommodating, and to balance so many roles with ease and vigor are problematic and delusional narratives in our culture. It is impossible to show up at 100%, 100% of the time. We make mistakes, we yell, we lose our temper, we forget, we say the things we shouldn’t, we grieve our old lives and independence, then we feel guilty that we grieve. So many women, mother’s, hold so much shame and guilt for not being good enough or grateful all of the time. I invite you to notice this in yourself. If you can relate, you’re normal! If you can’t, that’s ok too! Acknowledging the experience of motherhood means not only acknowledging the miracle and beauty that is our children, but the strain and hardship that comes with it. Allow yourself to offer some compassion towards yourself for these very normal yet unfortunately, publicly silenced experiences.
Self-Care
The act of self-care is one that can be interpreted in many ways. But ultimately, self-care looks different for everyone and depends on each person’s situation. Put simply, self-care is any healthy act that enables someone to feel balanced - whether that’s feeling more secure, nourished, rested, energized, in touch with our feelings, loved…the list goes on! It could even look like establishing boundaries, doing less, saying no, or changing problematic behaviors. Finding time to think about and intentionally planning acts or goals for self-care is an integral way of keeping us healthy and happy in the present and long term.
Self-Worth
Though self-worth isn’t necessarily an act of love, it is the undercurrent that shapes how we feel about ourselves. Self-worth is developed from infancy onwards and is influenced by our primary caregivers, society, social location, relationships, and trauma. Some of us were lucky, and grew up in bodies and situations where we felt safe, supported, and encouraged. Many of us were not. That said, we still have so much power in the present to develop and nourish our sense of self -worth. Here are some ways to do so:
Try a new hobby or skill that you think you’ll enjoy and that will challenge you slightly (we don’t want to feel discouraged or incapable) - developing a sense of accomplishment and pride while doing something hard are wonderful ways of building confidence and competence - two essential components of self-esteem.
Offer yourself words of compassion, love, and encouragement when you’re struggling - how we speak to ourselves makes a world of difference.
Choose to be around people that make you feel safe, valued, respected, seen, heard, and loved.
Notice your strengths and positive qualities, and find ways to exercise them often.
Understand your trauma and acknowledge your shame in a safe and supportive environment.
Community
We are not meant to exist in isolation, yet so many mother’s struggle with this. It can be difficult to leave the house, connect with friends, or ask for help, not to mention many of us are not fortunate enough to have accessible help or help that we can trust. That said, there are many ways of building community and different types of support opportunities available. Mom’s, we were never meant to raise children alone, the nuclear family is not the only way to raise healthy and happy babies. We are meant to learn from each other, rely on each other, support one another and find time for ourselves. I invite you to look up private and public support groups for mom’s/parent’s in your area. There are numerous subsidized and free programs available. Also, getting to know fellow parents in your neighbourhood through school/daycare/extra curricular programs are wonderful ways to start building your village.
Disclaimer:
This article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or a substitute for professional consultation. It's important to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. They can provide you with a personalized diagnosis, treatment plan, and support to manage your symptoms effectively.