A letter to myself

I see you...hiding behind tired eyes. Burnt out from trying to live up to expectations. Exhausted from acting the part of the roles scripted for you.

I hear you...calling out as loud as you can, only to be drowned out by all of the noise that rings inside my head. I know that you long to be heard. Your struggles, your triumphs, your feelings and opinions...all stifled by a firmly held tongue.

I love you...all of you. Your heart is full of so much passion and compassion, of empathy and tremendous love. I am so proud of the woman you are. I love your free spirit, your ability to connect to everything around you. Your beauty flows through to the deepest parts of your soul.

I am sorry... I strong-armed you into suppression and imprisoned you far below the surface. I am sorry it has taken me so long to find you. I didn't know how to find you, and I didn't know any different. I was taught to keep you hidden in order to receive love, to receive acceptance, to receive approval. I believed for so long that you were not worthy of my love. Every shooting star, every birthday candle garnished a wish to be happy. But it wasn't happiness you were seeking, it was freedom. The freedom to express yourself, to speak your truth, to live your truth.

My darling, I have always loved you, I just never learned how to show you. It felt shameful, I felt guilty. But I am learning to unlearn years of rhetoric. The process has commenced and it may be uncomfortable and terrifying. It may shock people and distance people, but I am with you every step of the way. I am sure to stumble or even fall hard to the ground. Please be patient with me, this journey, this cycle, this transformation is still so new, and I am still learning. But I know just how worthy and deserving you are.

Just please know this

...I see you

...I hear you

...I love you

...I AM SORRY

Written by Sharlene